would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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