I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
