im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
