i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
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