His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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