im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
