I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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