yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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