What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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