Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
