So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Fuck appropriateness.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize