I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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