Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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