hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
