Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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