Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
