I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
