If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
