thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
