she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
