it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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