I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
