I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
