Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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