I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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