Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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