Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
did i just pee glitter
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
