dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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