I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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