Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
