Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize