There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
