I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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