on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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