Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize