Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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