it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
