she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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