Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
