This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
