i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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