Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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