what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
