I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
