Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
