i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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