so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
