Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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