Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
