Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
