Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
