Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
