What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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