I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
