Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
