but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
