she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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