well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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