In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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