first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I met the friendliest cop last night
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize