Green mimosas i think yes
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I won't apologize to a one balled man
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize