You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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